MEDICARE vs. MED ADVANTAGE vs. MEDICAID

Do you know the difference? Five years ago I didn't and didn't really care. My world changed and boy did it change! I learn the differences the hard way!  That was not all I learned. And that is why I wrote:

Taking care of aging parents or what you should know before you reach retirement age

We all expect our parents to spend their lives in good health and living comfortably in their own home. I know that I did. I consider myself lucky, my parents planned well for their retirement. What they did not plan for was the illness that accompanied aging. Or how it can sneak up on someone you love without you ever noticing. Since I live in Oregon, and my parents lived in North Carolina, I didn't get to see them much. But they did spend time with my brother in Texas.

• Did you know that people with dementia can hide it for years?

Well, it seemed that my mother had dementia, and no one, not even my father was aware of it. My brother discovered the fact one Easter when my parents were visiting. He happened to open my mothers pill box, the one that is set up for the week. It seems that the pills were in absolute disarray. When asked what the pills were for, my mother said that the majority of them were for weight control. But I was totally unaware of what was going on with my parents. I was more involved with what was going on at my own home.

• Do you know where your parents live when they can no longer live at home?

About 6 years ago, my business partner's parents moved in with us. Her mother had a stroke 12 years ago, and it was getting too much for her father to take care of her and their house. Now we have a large house, so her father was able to take one end of the house and make it into an apartment for them. And that was great, except now our weekends were no longer our own. Which wouldn't be bad except that her mother's stroke had made some major changes in her personality. That coupled with her developing dementia made her difficult, demanding and for lack of a better word, nasty temperament. We didn't know that was part of the disease. I wish we had, it would have made life much easier.

• Do you and your parents have a will? Without a will, probate can take years. In fact, one probate took 100 years.
• Did you know that both John Denver and Sonny Bono died intestate. They had no will.

Once we leaned about dementia and how it affect the mind, we learned how to live with the disease. Then my mother took a turn for the worse. She was in and out of hospitals, and when she finally came home, my father was paying for round the clock care. After her death, my father insisted on staying in North Caroline. That was home, and there he was going to stay. He was the only one who was happy about his decision. Both my brother and I wanted him closer to family. It took us 2 years to convince him to move. Dad finally moved to Texas and into an assisted living community. I knew there was no chance he would move to Oregon, our lives are far too different. We raise horses, have 2 dogs and 3 cats; he looks angry at a dog and it runs the other way. Besides, my father enjoys the company of his 2 granddaughters who just dote on him.

• Do you know how many different living arrangements are available to the elderly, and what defines each one?

With my father settled in Texas, all we had to worry about was my partner parents. That is an ongoing story. It became more and more obvious that her father could not take care of her mother on a full time bases. We were finally able to get him to allow help in for 4 hours a day. But that didn't work.

• Did you know that a doctor can take a family member out of the home if they feel that person is not getting enough care?
• Did you know that the state can take over guardianship of a person that they feel is in a dangerous situation, or is not getting a certain standard of care?

With my partner and I working, we weren't able to help her father during the day. She ended up in the hospital. The doctor wrote an order that stated she could not return home without 24 hour care. Our entire world blew up in our faces at that point. Her father did not have the funds to pay for a care giver, and we didn't either. There were only one of 2 choices: put her mother in a nursing home or get help.

• Did you know how many people are forced to declare bankruptcy because of medical bill?
• Do you know the difference between Medicare and Medicaid?

We were able to get a care giver who could come in for 10 hours 5 days a week. Because my partners parents have little income and no assets, the state pays for the caregiver.

• Do you and your parents have a Power Of Attorney?
• Do you and your parents have a Living Will?

Life around our house is now as normal as it can be all things considered. Unfortunately, my partners father is showing signs of dementia, and her mother is going down hill. But at least, we are prepared for what is coming.

As for my father, he just had his 90th birthday, and is doing great. He has a "lady friend" and is planning to take a cruise February.

Don't be caught like one man. He thought that he was sufficiently insured to cover any illness. What he didn't know is that all of his insurances ceased to cover his wife the moment that she became "unskilled'. He spent months fighting with his insurance company, only to lose. During that time, his wife remained in a nursing home because he could not take care of her at home. He ended up 21,000.00 in debt because he did understand his insurance.

There are books on how to deal with the financial or emotional part of caring for the elderly, but none of them cover the issues the way Caring For Your Aging Parents or What You Need to Know Before You Retire does.

Don't wait until your parents, or you are facing unexpected or unanticipated medical disaster. By then it may be too late. You may find yourself floundering in a sea of paperwork, or drowning in unpaid bills.

P.S. - If you don't think this is important, read on.

A daughter had to watch as her dying mother was subjected to heroic efforts to save her  life. The daughter and all of the medical staff knew that the mother's death was inevitable, but no one could change the living will. The mother had failed to give her daughter any type of power of attorney, and she had signed a living will that stated that she wanted heroic efforts used. When the woman signed, she had no idea what was about to happen so when she was no longer able to make any decisions, she was locked in. This woman's physical body  was put through painful medical procedures while her daughter scrambled in an effort to make the last hours of her mother's life more comfortable only to fail.

A second person had a secondary insurance to cover what Medicare did not, but all she had was 120 days of co-pay while she was in a nursing home. This person was in a nursing home for 100 days, which was covered completely by Medicare and her secondary. She was out of the home for 60 days, and then returned. She was in the nursing home for a second 100 days. Her secondary insurance only covered 20 days of co-pay. She was left with a $10,000.00 bill for her stay.

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